Memoirs of a Being (Chapter One) - A Silent Whirlwind
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A Silent Whirlwind
Initial memories, the secrets of the being's life!
My initial memories are the secret of my happiness!
> A Disheveled Library - My Homey Home -
Late 2009
My mother stood in front of the door while stifling her rage with great effort, very great effort, staring at a scene that is amusing to you people, but truly provocative to any self-respecting mother, where the contents of the very precious glass bookcase - which sits proudly in the corner of the sacred room - completely covered the floor, like a bride adorned with colorful patches representing books, and Lina - the neighbor's daughter - and I were sitting cross-legged like princesses confidently in the middle.
My mother exhaled, then spoke through her teeth suppressing a volcano of a roar, which if it came out would be heard by the whole neighborhood:
"What is this (severe grinding of teeth, with a slight cracking sound), my daughter?"
The neighbor's daughter initiated with superhuman intelligence:
"We are reading, Auntie. Mays (the nickname of her aforementioned daughter) told me that she has wonderful books, and she swore and made me promise to invite her over to see them, and here I am."
And she smiled a silly smile, not to me (I, the poor daughter) but to my mother.
She looked at me, a hellish look that burned me even before she uttered a letter, a look that struck terror into my heart, so I realized the magnitude of the disaster.
I initiated saying with a quick stutter:
"Come on, let's return these books to their places as long as we are not using them..."
She glared at me with an even fiercer look, so I swallowed hard and continued:
"I mean even if we were using them, let's return them."
Lina suddenly stood up, picked up several books, and said with luxurious confidence:
"These will come with me..."
After a look at my mother's burning face as it was, she lowered her voice and said:
"I mean I will borrow them."
I quickly grabbed Lina's hand and pulled the books from her hands. She looked at me angrily and reached out her hands to retrieve them quickly. Here, I only felt my palm - unintentionally - landing on her shoulder as hard as a child's hand could reach.
Lina gasped, and waterfalls of tears suddenly began to pour from her eyes relentlessly. I heard a resounding voice not coming from our world: "Maysam." And I knew it was my inevitable end.
******
> Absurdities
Lina is not only my neighbor in the residence, but she is also in my neighborhood, my school, my class, and my area's private bus.
I go down from the house towards the bus stop, the sky is clear and the sun looks upon my tender heart from the corner of the drawing paper, and the birds are chirping downward in the shape of the number 3, and I find Lina standing smiling the same smile at me.
I board the bus and direct my head to the window glass to draw on the accumulated fog whatever shapes I please and watch the world through it, only to find Lina's finger next to mine erasing what I drew. I sit at the study desk eager to make friendships with this girl and that, I find Lina accompanying me, sitting nowhere but beside me, refusing to leave it like a very strong glue. Lina here, Lina there, Lina everywhere.
At first I liked Lina, she was an enthusiastic girl about everything, laughing without calculation and loving to play very much.
But Lina is stubborn, and I am frankly more stubborn, so our personalities were not destined to get along (I understood this later, of course).
At first, Lina would insist that I accompany her to her house, saying eagerly with her eyes shining:
"I will show you my very original (Barbie) doll toy, I bought a very rare limited edition."
My mother told me: "Invite her and all her limited toys here when I return from work. I'm afraid for you to go in my absence."
I say in annoyance, with my heart and mind taken by the sight of the toy in my imagination:
"But mother, what could happen? She is our neighbor, her house is literally an eggplant bite away!"
- "It's a zucchini bite! And it's a proverb meaning that the matter is about to happen and has nothing to do with the distance of the place, and no means no, not in my absence."
Work was the most important thing in my mother's life. My father has been traveling for about two or three years, looking for a better opportunity for our family's life as my mother says, while my brother looks for all opportunities to get lost and play in the street!
My mother says when I voice my objection to what I see as a difference in treatment:
"Your brother is older, and he is not playing around, he returns on time every day!"
- "First, Salim is only two years older than me... one year and seven months to be exact, and mother, I am in the house here calculating for him, and he returns every day exactly one hour and thirteen minutes late."
She turns her face away, then turns it back red, saying:
"If you were focusing on your studies and homework like this, you wouldn't have left the first rank!"
She was laughing in secret, my sly mother, and I was burning up.
Lina came to my house for the first time on a gloomy rainy day, she came exactly an hour late for her appointment.
Before that, my mother and I argued for a long time about whether she would come or not. I still insisted she would come, and my mother thought the opposite.
My mother says: "Look at the window, with these waterfalls, will your friend come?"
- "Mother, this is Lina, she does what she intends. She is very stubborn."
- "I don't see anyone more stubborn than you here."
Frowning features emerge on my face, increasing in frown and sharpness with the intervention of my cute brother:
"I bet she won't come, otherwise she has to cover herself with all the umbrellas in the world!"
The bell rang after a minute. My mother opened the door, and Lina was there, looking like a cylinder with a large amount of covers wrapping around her and umbrellas hanging from both her hands.
My brother shouted:
"We have another "heater" here!" in a reckless, disgusting comparison of Lina's appearance to the old heater.
My mother scolded him severely. Lina frowned as she entered and asked with disgust - referring to my brother, the cutest being in the world -:
"And who is this?"
I ignored everything, rushed to her and said: "Where is the doll?"
Lina said: "What doll?"
Then she started taking off tons of clothes, saying simply: "Oh, I forgot it."
Lina remembered all these clothes, and remembered to bring two umbrellas, and she kept remembering this incident and my brother's silly comment, but she didn't remember to bring the very original doll with her until this moment.
******
> The Rocket Kick - My Homey Home - 2009
I heard loud noises in front of the door, rustling clothes, lots of knocking, and footsteps. The whole house was plunged into darkness, and my small room contained my loneliness and warmed it with a small glow of light from a lamp shaped like a duck lying on its stomach from sheer exhaustion.
I listen carefully, the sound approaches and gets louder. I feel a tightness in my chest, a gripping feeling taking over my entire small body. The faint light creeping from the window as far as I can see tries in vain to dispel my distress. I look towards it across the small hallway, the sound coming from the opposite side is still rising while I focus my gaze on this high window with the shy yellow light.
Suddenly, I hear the click of the door, the pen shakes in my hand. I try to grab the paper from the notebook and pull it quickly. The sound of tearing it from the notebook's wire comes out like the loudest sound in the space around me, while my brother's dusty-faced head peeks in a blink of an eye.
He says with a half-smile as he wipes the sweat from his hair, making it stick even more to his pointy head:
"What are you doing?"
He initiated quickly as he rushed towards me:
"Mays is studying right after she comes back from school like this?"
I said mockingly while hiding the paper with my hand:
"I am drawing your repulsive appearance in the shape of a triangle on a stick."
He frowned for a moment, then reached out his hand to pull my paper. The pen flew from my hand while I clung with all my life to that paper, trying with all the gentleness I had not to tear it.
Salim started reading out loud: "And because I miss you and you are my heart and my support..." and his facial expressions contorted in astonishment. Here, I hurried to hand the pillow to his face hoping he would stop, he moved his head away quickly and clung tighter to the paper, while he grabbed my hair with his other hand.
I groaned, and loosened my grip slightly on the paper. Salim hurried with a red face and rapid breaths to continue: "I wish to see you every day..."
I screamed in intense anger: "Stop, right now and at this moment!"
And before I dug my nails into his cheek, he stepped back violently insisting on clinging to the paper. Here I heard the sound, the sound of tearing paper, right from the middle drawing a crooked line, separating my paper into two distorted halves carrying my scattered words.
I stood for a moment while the second half flew - as the first was still in Salim's hand - and fell to the ground slowly.
I growled, and I swear that between my conscious and angry childish subconscious I caught a glimpse of panic on my brother's face, and his lips were about to move to repeat the two testimonies of faith (Shahada)... but I closed my eyes and with all my might I thrust my right leg extended in the air, so my foot landed somewhere I personally couldn't sense what it was, but it made Salim crumple on the ground groaning like the wreckage of a mountain, moving his head right and left, and there on his thin cheeks - oh wonder! - were tears!!
******
> Theater of Fools - Manarat Al-Ilm School - Early 2009
We six sat, me, Lina, and four other girls, on the edge of the planter box, frustrated. I looked around, the schoolyard was quiet, empty of running students and the sprawling noise that usually covers it.
Reem suddenly stood up and said:
"This is not our fault, if they failed to find the treasure, they don't have the right to deliberately exclude us from the distribution of roles!"
Hamad replied: "The teacher said that the roles must be distributed according to the most competent, but leaving the reins of matters to that malicious girl, Nour, is a grave mistake!"
Reem replied quickly: "But I repeat that this is not our fault, if they were jealous of our victory, the winner is not the wrongdoer."
Sama said with an expression of depth on her face:
"When the son of Adam scatters honey, flies gather around it!"
Lina corrected her: "You mean bees, bees are the ones that make honey."
Hamad came back saying: "Let's ask for a redistribution of roles, the play will fail like this without competence."
Lina asked a very logical question:
"Do you know, Hamad, the meaning of competence?"
-"No... but I heard the teacher talking..."
Aseel suggested: "Let's complain about them to the teacher, and tell her the story from A to Z."
Reem added: "We shouldn't mention the treasure! It's top secret, did you girls forget?"
Aseel came back saying: "Then let's trade an eye for an eye! Let's make another play better than theirs and more perfectly executed!"
A thoughtful silence prevailed, broken by Sama saying:
"Plays are multiplying these days."
Aseel asked me directly all of a sudden:
"What do you think, Mays?"
I looked at her closely. I hadn't spoken since the conversation began. Nour and her gang's actions provoke me, but I did snag a small role in the class play in the end, I fought hard to get it, but I didn't find the courage to join their protest while I'm a part of the matter, and I don't want to lose these girls over the role.
I said hesitantly: "Should I refrain from acting with them in that play?"
Lina rushed to say: "But you challenged that girl and wrote your name in the end after a long argument and great effort. I don't think you should give it up."
The girls nodded in agreement, so Hamad's eyes sparkled as she said:
"Actually, we have to turn the situation to our advantage. Be our spy, Mays. Notice and observe their method of training and acting, and let's surpass it in our play."
A short silence prevailed, which I broke with a confident voice (only God knows where this confidence came from):
"I will take responsibility for writing our own play, which will be better than theirs."
I felt relieved saying this, because I felt I was compensating for my presumed betrayal in refusing to boycott the biased play. The feeling of guilt for my insistence on participating in it before the girls announced this protest left a big crack in myself. (Thinking about it now, I feel I exaggerated the matter then, and now I'm exaggerating it again with you people with the big words I'm writing about a kids' play!)
I was encouraged even more - on top of my strange self-confidence - by the quick agreement from everyone and their support for my writing of the play, as Aseel said with a slight blush and on their behalf:
"Yes! I know you usually write a little, we trust you and hand over the affairs of our play to you."
Sama added: "If you need any wisdom or proverbs, just let me know."
And I didn't let her know anything, of course.
When I returned home, my notebook and pen were waiting for me in the same spot on my desk where I wrote almost every day during that period. I was very fond of writing; I wrote songs, short stories, and lots and lots of apology letters to my mother for many mistakes, and other things.
I looked for a long time at the blank paper in front of me, nothing.
When I retreat to write usually, the sight of this emptiness attracts some ideas flying here and there in my mind, gathering them after they were scattered so they line up as sentences on the page of my notebook, turning the emptiness of the paper into a severe crowd of letters, words, and many scribbles, and the flame of my mind becomes like the clarity and purity of the paper's white color.
But now, my brain is as empty as this paper in front of me, I try to create ideas, I try to build the foundations of a story, but nothing.
I rushed to my shelves and started picking some stories and looking at their covers, examining the titles and staring at them deeply, but nothing.
The home phone rang, I rushed to answer as if I was longing for any communication or auditory and verbal nourishment so I could grasp some idea. Lina's faint voice came: "Did you come up with anything?"
I said disappointedly: "No."
-"My mother says we can talk about sacrificing for the homeland."
-"You mean independence and liberation wars?"
-"Something like that, maybe."
After my mother returned, she asked me curiously while peeking her head from behind my desk:
"What are you doing?"
I told her what happened and said that I was writing a play.
My mother smiled as she said:
"What will it be about?"
-"Something about the homeland, sacrificing for the homeland maybe."
She thought for a bit and then suggested (and it seemed she felt that the topic Lina proposed might be too big for us and the play itself):
"Why don't you write about family?"
I didn't answer so she said: "Maybe honoring parents, or sibling love, or even the mother or father."
A few hours later I went to my mother with a large piece of paper containing a lot of scribbles, as I always read to my mother what I wrote, mostly in fact.
My mother asked: "What did you write about in the end?"
-"About love of the homeland."
I hope my mother didn't feel disappointed then. She didn't comment, but I sensed a strange look peeking from her eyes... But the topic of loving the homeland was easier for me than writing about my family, and about my father absent in front of the whole world! (Just my classmates, but I'm exaggerating)
******
> Theater of Fools 2 - Manarat Al-Ilm School - 2009
Narrator (Reem): Once upon a time, the commander of the space forces had decided to travel on a large-scale recreational trip, and along the way, he might invade a planet or two, thus hitting two birds with one stone. He found new lands rich in resources, saw new parts of the world, and got to know and occupy their cultures...
Mr. "Khashabshamak" (I hope it's read like this) gathered his belongings and set off. He was accompanied by two of his elements, and they decided that their destination would be a strange part of the world called Earth, and specifically this country of ours...
He landed near the simple building of Mrs. Shafiqa and her daughter, and decided to start his project right there.
Time: Our current year
Place: Earth, near Mrs. Shafiqa's building
Space Forces Commander (Me):
"Yes, this is the perfect place."
The Violent Element (Sama): "Here, sir? What a right choice! The most beautiful spot in the world!"
The Most Violent Element (Reem): "Don't exaggerate, it's a normal land, but in the end we have to start somewhere even if it looks like this..."
The commander scolded him, silence.
On her way back home, Mrs. Shafiqa said when she spotted the aliens strolling in her neighborhood (played by Hamad):
"What strange looks the generation of these days has..."
Her daughter (Lina) said in panic:
"This is not the generation of these days, mother. These are aliens!"
The majestic space forces commander (me) approached with his two elements towards the two ladies and said:
"Good evening!"
Shafiqa in astonishment: "What's wrong with your skin color? And what is this? A green comb? Are you a sick rooster?"
I touched the green sock on top of my head (acting as my green skin) and said:
"Are you mocking me? Arrest her."
After that, the commander's tyranny reached its peak, wreaking havoc on the land and the people with his violent element (Sama) and his other, more violent element (Reem).
They stole from homes, kidnapped children, kicked out families, and even went as far as demolishing and destroying public property!
Aseel suddenly emerged in a military uniform and said firmly in a low voice:
"We must put an end to this."
Her assistant (Lina) said: "What do you think if they found us hiding here and plotting against them? What would they do?"
The other assistant (Sama) said: "But the homeland is more important than anything, we must not let them violate our land like this."
The boss (Aseel) said: "Exactly, we will always sacrifice our souls in order to expel these invaders."
Sama: "As we all know, the homeland remains cheap, the homeland is fat!"
Lina: "You mean the homeland is dear, the homeland is precious of course." (mispronouncing the Arabic words)
They fought fiercely, they fought with honor, but the invaders were strong, very strong.
Slowly, hope began to fade and dreams of freedom dwindled. It seemed they wouldn't leave us until a miracle happened!
The miracle emerged in a simple astronaut, Hamad, who had traveled, roamed, and studied the conditions of these space inhabitants with intense focus, until he found the key to salvation, the door to escape, and the sure solution.
He stepped forward with steady steps towards the head of the war against the aliens, with a large round bowl... I mean with a space helmet on his head, and a small box in his hands.
Everyone wondered what this was, so the box was opened and the solution appeared, and it was a shock beyond any shock!
(The previous events happened at a very young age... well, young age, but not really "very". In any case I was a child, and we were all children, so excuse any cliché.) (: